When we talk about the opposites’ unity we may hold up as a model a monade or Yin Yang symbol. Ideally, so it is. However when you’re reaching the ideal, this zone of relations may make the partners’ blood boil.
Fro the beginning it is felt like complete contradiction in some area of life or even in some insignificant event. For example, he may think that a rival should be won using power, and she supposes that the solution is meekness. The distinctive feature of this zone working is following: the partners’ points of views exclude each other. The impression is that only one of them can remain. This is the first impression and this zone is more than meets the eye.
What are other topics which can cause contradictions? There are a lot of them actually.
- Bring up the kids strictly / indulge them.
- Earn money by means of hard work / trusting to luck.
- Be on or opposed to changes in life.
- Be at quarrel /at peace with one and the same person.
- Healthy/ unhealthy eating.
and so on. Every couple may enumerate several situations on the fly, wherein they favored different approaches from the very beginning.
And this zone influence practically always emerges in couple as a conflict.
This conflict may appear as sharp misunderstanding “how can you think in this way!”, as disappointment “she is completely opposite to my expectations”, as inconvenience “I want to do it in this way, but it doesn’t mean he cannot do it in his won way”.
The partners try to adjust this difference proving each other their right. They break a lot of lances, a great number of offences remains and the dispute on one and the same topic can molder in family for decades. You cannot fix this situation trying to prove you’re right.
Unfortunately, giving way in a dispute is the best solution only at first sight. The situation of this type cannot be reduced to the rightness of one person. It means permanent inconvenience for another – and it will constantly gnaw relations in this spot.
An attempt to solve this situation by means of methods described in the chapter Energy (Conflicts and quarrels) – to smooth a conflict part that will allow the couple to find a compromise. For example, the partners will arrange with each other to keep silence regarding specified topic and not to touch to the quick.
None of these methods doesn’t change minus into plus. It’ll push it closer to zero at best.
Method to create unity from opposites
- The first, the simplest way – to allow each partner to adhere to his or her point of view and use this or that on occasion. Let the husband solve complicated issues with power, and the wife – with diplomacy – this is not difficult for family, but it’s benefit. Let the wife cook healthy suppers and husband – tasty breakfasts. Let the couple toast on the beach one day and excursionize another day. As a result both partners will benefit.
This way begins from negotiations and rules. To make it work, both should know precisely when it’s time to gather stones and when it’s time to cast them away.
- The second, more complicated way – but wonderful in a way – is to understand that your contradictions allow you to look at yourself from the outside. If you’re obsessed with healthy food, maybe you haven’t enjoyed it? If you’re always a diplomat, maybe you do it because of fear? The partner sees something you cannot see. This path allows them to grow thanks to contradictions and to find inner harmony and strengthen relations. Besides, it doesn’t exclude the first method, and most often, it is the second step after it.
How other zones of relations work?
- Coincidences - chances, connections, similarities, opportunity to become organic whole or lose yourself.
- Harmony - joy, enjoyment, affection, help to each other – or couples’ retiring into their shell, laziness and development stagnation.
- Energy (conflicts and quarrels) - quarrels, cold and hot wars - or joint struggle for their own happiness.
- Trials (patience training) - irrepressible conflicts, responsibilities, lack of freedom - or stability reliability and long-standing relations.
- Development – family’s success and each of its members – or break-up resulting from the fact each develops in different directions.
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